Just This Once

It’s 4AM, and I’m usually at work by now. It was a rough goings getting up though, considering the little one didn’t fall asleep till late. But I’m still up and technically my schedule has me in at 8, not 4. But this is the schedule I want, the schedule I love, and the one that’s available to me lately. The work has to get done and it’s easier to do when there is nobody else around. 

It’s gas day. I’ve been able to keep gas consumption on my thirsty Lincoln down to filling every week and a half, but I’ve been running on fumes for a few days now. 

For some reason the Turkey Hill has its own smell this early in the day. A mix between early morning clean air, gasoline, and a smell that can only be described as “the 80’s”. 

After filling up I head inside. Part of my diet change was switching from the sugar-loaded Red Bull to the not-as-sugar-loaded Monster “Zero Ultra”. As “sugar free” as one can get from an energy drink. One a day with breakfast, and good ol’ Turkey Hill has em 3-For-$5. 

It’s the usual scene inside, the lonely 3rd shift guy who’s overly positive for working 3rd shift retail. More power to him, he must have figured something out. I grab three cans and head to the register, loaded with knick-knacks as usual. Then I spot them. 

The thing the world has grown to love and hate all at the same time…..Fidget Spinners. 

If you’ve been off the Internet lately (and I can’t blame you) a Fidget Spinner is a palm sized device that is weighted evenly around the edges and has a freely spinning bearing assembly in the middle. You pinch the bearing assembly between your thumb and forefinger, then spin and watch while it spins for an immeasurable amount of time thanks to physics. 

It’s meant to be a handy tool for ADHD individuals to concentrate on tasks, giving their subconscious something to focus on while their primary conscious focus’ on the task at hand. So naturally, it’s being bought up by the thousands by every-fucking-body. 

I have resisted. It’s not for me, and my interest in it at all is very small. Big enough however, to pick one up for a moment while being rung out at a tiny gas station at 4 in the morning. 

“Just this once” I say to the cashier “for luck.” 

I spin. It does exactly what it’s meant to do. The satisfaction is minimal. I put it back. He picks it back up, spins it, and puts his salesman hat on. 

“Hey if you buy one it could be satisfying all day.” 

“No thanks,” I respond “if I needed it I would have it already.”

I ring out, duck into the car, and head out. The little message board on the dash says “287 miles till empty”, and I’m reminded of Frost. 

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.”


2 thoughts on “Just This Once

  1. Speaking as a parent of and ADHD kid who uses fidgets, the fidget spinners are not good. They take up too much attention and become the obsession.
    4 a.m. start time – uggh.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s