Sometimes I just need to open a draft and let my brain dump out. Here’s a brain dump indeed!
I don’t know where you are, but I feel you. Distant but present. Like the waves of a supernova come crashing into my planet, such as it is.
Like the moon’s pull, my ocean is my own but you help make the waves. Your face in my sky, a reminder that the universe is bigger than I know, but reasons to share love are always close at hand.
It’s not something you taught me, rather something reinforced: why not love when you feel it? It’s ok if they don’t feel the same, everyone is different. But why not share that happiest of feelings? Why not allow yourself that deep connection with many people instead of forcing yourself into a box with a chosen few?
Let’s not get carried away, not in this sense anyway. I know the reason why is fear. It’s the same fear I have to silence much more post-divorce. “Am I clingy? Do they hate me? Do they fear me? Did I cross a line? Do they think I have expectations? Are they overthinking? Am I overthinking? Am I the one that is afraid?” and so on and so on.
Life’s little twists and turns build a castle in your heart with doors of different sizes, turrets hanging on by a thread, a dungeon or two we don’t speak of and a moat that gets bigger every time we get hurt.
But if the moat gets bigger, so must the bridge.
I can build a bridge across the stars between us, will you cross it? Do I care if you do? It would put a smile on my face and a fire in my heart, but I’m more interested in a fire in yours.